wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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