just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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