...so i touched it.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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