Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
