the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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