i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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