I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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