Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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