no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
