covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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