I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
