I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
please come you make the beer taste better
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
