hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
