I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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