I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ketchup is God's man juice
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
