I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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