what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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