Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
