Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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