The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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