i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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