Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
