I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
