If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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