I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
