um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
