we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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