the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
