They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have already put on my inside pants.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
