I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
