I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
