it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
