I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
