I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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