At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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