no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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