You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
