I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
