No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
