he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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