he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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