Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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