I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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