i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
