Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
