dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
