Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
