she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
