Can i not drive my cunt home
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
