We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
