So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
