Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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