i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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