Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
