We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
