now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
