before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
