Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
