so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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