She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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