I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize